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the wedding ring


The Wedding Ring

   
    Every custom in Judaism is full of great significance and deep meaning. The Jewish wedding no exception. At the heart of every wedding is the wedding ring. The chattan or groom gives his kallah the bride the ring and they are seemingly married. However, questions about the value or type of ring, the origins of the custom to use a ring, and different communities intpretaions lead to some varied opinions.
   
    The Torah tells us that there are two ceremonies that have to be performed in order for a couple to be a full husband and wife. These are erusin, which is best translated as betrothal, and nesuin, which is marriage. While we translated erusin as betrothal, there is seemingly no appropriate English equivalent for it. Erusin is more than an engagement as the couple is considered married since the laws of adultery apply and a get or Jewish bill of divorce is needed to break the marriage. However, they are not fully married yet and cannot live together as husband and wife. Nesuin is the ceremony where the marriage is completed, and the couple is now considered to be fully husband and wife. For many hundreds of years the erusin was performed as early as a year before the nesuin. However, because of various problems involved in a long term erusin, the custom has evolved so that both are performed at the same time.
   
    According to the Torah, erusin, which is also called kiddushin, is performed when the chattan gives the kallah something of value and she acquiesces to be married. While volumes have been written about the halachic implications of such a ceremony, one thing is clear; the husband is not buying a wife. He is changing her status from a single woman to a married woman. The custom to specifically use a ring, as opposed to another valuable object, is a very old one, first mentioned in Chumash in the story of Yehuda and Tamar. When Yehuda married Tamar, she asked for three things as collateral for the sheep that he promised her: his signet ring, his cloak and his staff. Many of the commentaries explain that while any of the three would have sufficed to make the kiddushin effective, Yehuda was specifically using the ring. Despite the ring being used for kiddushin in the Chumash, it is not really found in the halachic literature as a common custom until the period of the Geonim. Rav Hai Gaon (980 C.E.) writes that for about a hundred years previously it had been the custom to use a ring for kiddushin. The Sefer Hachinuch explains that the chattan gives a ring as something that his kallah can wear at all times to remind her of her marriage. Another reason given is that a ring is round and without end, so may the blessings of the new couple be without end.


   
    Many communities are careful that the ring should be plain and not have any engraving or stones. The reason for this is based on the basic principles of monetary business. If a value is agreed upon by both parties and later it is found that that value was misrepresented then the sale can be void. The same principle applies to a marriage. If at the time of kiddushin the woman thinks that the ring is worth more than it is, it could invalidate the kiddushin. As many people are not diamond experts, the rabbis in the time of the rishonim (about 1200 C.E.) declared that the ring should be a plain one, without engraving or stones. Others say this was instituted in order not to embarrass the poor; however, this is by no means a steadfast rule. There are communities that allow rings of all types.
   
    It is very interesting that today not all communities have the custom to do kiddushin with a ring. Indeed, today many Syrian Jews of Sephardic descent have the custom to use a silver coin. Apparently the kallah does not lose out and receives a ring some time after the chupah to wear as a wedding band.
   
    When the chattan places the ring on the kallah’s finger he says a phrase that translates as, “Behold you are consecrated to me by means of this ring, according to the ritual of Moshe and Yisrael.” The last part of this phrase, namely, “according to the ritual of Moshe and Yisrael” is perplexing. Why not according to law of the Torah? This language was specifically picked to have the kiddushin done at the acquiescence of the beit din. There are numerous halachic circumstances that are beyond the scope of this article that might require beit din to retroactively annul a marriage. Thus, in using this specific language the chattan is in effect giving beit din the authority to act if they find the circumstances compelling enough to do so.
   
    So we see that the wedding ring is not just a beautiful piece of jewelry that a groom gives to his bride. Rather it is an important instrument which causes the marriage to take effect. The history of the ring provides insights into its meaning and value. Throughout the ages different communities followed somewhat different customs. Whatever the interpretation, the chattan and kallah are united together as one with the giving of a ring.

Rabbi Eliezer Kessler
Houston, Texas

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